A Saturday Confession

I know that the sentiment below is truth.

But, my Blog friends,  I have to make a confession to make right now.

I cannot find a truthful positive thought in my head today.  I can force my tongue to say something good.  I can FORCE my fingers to type something good.  But it would not be truth.

For you see, yesterday something was said to me which just was unsettling.  

Does it seem to you sometimes that a person who you thought was a friend, or a trusty work colleague, will be just too keen to "throw you under the bus"?

It does to me since yesterday afternoon, at about 2.20.  

And why did this happen?  Because I choose to deliver quality and thorough care to a person, rather than limit myself to 20 minutes here and 10 minutes there.  I do not neglect anyone.  Everyone who I have dealings with are cared for equally.  And I have chosen to do my work correctly, and in a thoroughly caring and complete manner.  The entire person needs care.  Mental, physical, spiritual.  And if all of my work gets done, does it matter too desperately, if it takes me 15 minutes longer in its' entirety??  It is my decision and mine alone, if I choose to give care to the best of my ability, and remain at work for 15 minutes longer to do my notes.  It does not affect anyone else, surely?  It's my decision, I repeat it.  I will stay on the floor and care, rather than sit in the office and write notes, if it is needed.

The end of my shift is always calm.  The beginning of my shift is always calm.  The middle of my shift is calm.  There are smiles from those in my care. If there are tears, here is my shoulder.  If you wobble when you walk, I am here to steady you.  

I do not mean to sound big headed.  Because I'm not that way, truly.  But I'm just upset a bit by the attitudes I come across.  

So I refuse to take the words - the disdain - which were aimed at me.

However, even though I will not change the way I work, those words still upset my equilibrium somewhat.

During yesterdays' shift, I felt sad, uneasy, depressed.  And when I am like that, I become quiet, withdrawn, silent.  My work continues, but in a subdued manner.

And, I'm afraid, my mood hasn't changed too much after a nights' sleep.  So, I'm hoping that talking about all of this will help me a little, because I have to go back today for probably more of the same.

It's more proof that every word, every action, we do each day can affect someone else.  It might be for the positive.  It may be for the negative.

All I can do is strive to affect people for the positive side.  

But in the meantime, I also confess that instead of going to work today, I would much rather be going to the beach...(a picture taken in April)...

...or staying home to knit or stitch..this is a Christmas card which I stitched earlier in the year...for use in December... 

It is art which helps to keep my sanity in tact.  Believe me when I tell you that my knitting will go to work with me, and I will take some time to do a row or two during my break.  It helps.  Knitting is a type of "active" meditation for me.  When you cannot sit and do an "eyes closed" meditation, a row of repetitive purl or knit stitches can slow my mind.  Or just going to a quiet corner of the hallway, and a couple of deep breaths.  A moment to concentrate on at least one movement of the Eight Strand Silk Brocade.  (Take a look here, if you would like to know more)

I will be fine.  I will be peaceful.  All will be well, and all manner of things will be well.  But before hand, I tell you that I am going to breathe, practice my silks, and knit!!

Namaste

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